Owls. What, pretending to be wolves?

Avis' description of our respective roles (plight in my case) is pretty spot on. And what with being the logical one (Vulcan), I tend to get a little confused when it comes to the ways of the heart. I will indeed confess my own schema, on this very public forum, in an effort to relate my own experience to our readers (of the future)*. I have what you (Oprah) call "Defectiveness/Shame Schema" (Unlovability). It has to do with vulnerability and childhood trauma and blah, blah, blah... I tell ya... I couldn't get through the book that Avis (bless her heart) gave me, Emotional Alchemy, which was supposed to teach me to evaluate my emotions without acting on them and thus grow beyond my perpetuating trauma. I got bored (scared) and put it away. One thing that I have come to know to be true in regard to me and love... I am constitutionally incapable of being right. Whatever the question is my answer is wrong, which, some could attest, is quite strange for me. Is it because I dissect everything down into meaningless bits? Is it because I re-interpret everything a million ways until I find a way to turn it against myself? Perhaps it’s my obsessive, mad scientist approach to matters that drives me so far from understanding.

I think that there are certain irreducible truths that most people are only ever occasionally intuitively aware of. I aim to understand these things implicitly and one day communicate them to others. But recent events have forced me to admit that my previous conclusions may not have been correct. For instance, the afore-mentioned concept of the NPC… Now we all know what an NPC is I'm sure, but just in case a layman happens upon this blog, it stands for Non-Player Character. In RPGs (Role Playing Games) it refers to the pre-designed, computer-manned characters that are not capable of breaking out of their programming. Many times I have used this term to refer to the Big 90 (90% of the population) who meets this classification. It seems derogatory, but it’s really meant to make me feel better. It's not that they won't... it's that they can't. But what with the state of my own personal evolution as well as the state of our current understanding of A.I. technology and the possibilities therein, I don't know that it’s fair to suggest that this massive chunk of the world is INCAPABLE of moving beyond their programming. Slower, maybe. And while I've fancied myself a pretty advanced student in many realms of philosophy, I think I’ve got a lot of growing up to do when it comes to that silly little thing—I used to deem it “co-operative mass and individual delusion”—romance**.

Now I've never been an optimist, so I'll leave you now with something to muse. WOULD YOU RATHER... live in a world full of people incapable of learning and self-actualization, OR live in a world full of people who'd just rather not?

*Travelers of the past!

**Puke. Puke. Vomit. Puke.