If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my many years of experience, it’s that human emotion is complex and indiscriminate. Females have long been assigned the title of the emotional sex, and we (yeah, yeah) are often the subject of ridicule for our (let’s just call it) self-expression—often deservedly so. But I think we can all agree—it is 2009 after all—that men are equally emotional, albeit generally less inclined to discuss the matter. None of us beings are exempt from that harsh truth.*
So here we are at this time in history with our human brain computers, input to be processed, output—our proclivity for language and communication (truly a boon in the history of human existence), our complex emotions, and at least two different kinds of genitals. I’m certain we agree thus far, but here is where things get more complicated. I believe we (humans) process information mostly in the same ways, even though we have unique experiences with which to build our personalities and behaviors. That is assuming we are actively participating in the processing of information (i.e. learning).**
Back to the subject at hand (for those of us who can learn), we now must agree that communication is a rather complicated tool. I mean we’re smart, right? Can it really be that hard? But we’re all prone to our individual perceptions which are often colored by our pervasive emotions. This natural breakdown leads to mistakes, miscommunications, frustrations, hearts broken for no reason at all, or the feeling that you're being eaten alive.
And now, finally, for the truth of the matter at hand: you and I, in our attempts at communication, are deeply influenced by our prior experiences. For example, my parents were generally busy, self-involved, or otherwise preoccupied during the course of my childhood. I essentially raised myself. As a child, I felt a deep sense of rejection and perhaps bereavement, in a way. I was alone, and my needs—although expressed—went unmet. As a result, I learned that I should be independent and not bother expressing my needs and desires. Ultimately, I have a tendency to become attracted to individuals whom are emotionally unavailable. As it turns out, humans have a psychological tendency to try and re-live painful or traumatic childhood experiences with the hope of eventually having a different outcome, thereby undoing damage done. Crazy, I know. (These tendencies are called Schemata***, and they vary from person to person.) My own schema is known as Deprivation Schema; a child deprived of attention, affection, acknowledgement becomes accustomed to these things, but is also consistently looking for a different outcome. In a manner of speaking, we all suffer from Battered Wife (or Eoin) Syndrome. I can offer discourse on these matters unabashedly, because I have come to understand them about myself and how they influence my thoughts, actions, and reactions. And in understanding that, I can recognize when I have a real, viable connection with someone, regardless of if that person is emotionally available or not. You have your own schema(ta) after all. So be it.
My dear Mab, in her response to this discussion, might experience some catharsis in unveiling her own schema, so I won’t use her (or you, my friend) as an example.
Sometimes the things we cling to for protection, little children that we are, become the things that hold us back in the long run.
*I herewith re-label the term “girl tricks” to “people tricks.”
**I will say that I think there are certain categories that we humans fall into; Mab previously mentioned NPC’s, a term we use affectionately for folks without souls (in other words, those who don’t seem to have the capacity for Meta-ethics—refer to future posts from Mab). We also call them first-timers. Asian girl who no longer likes the beach because you buried your grapes in the sand and somebody stole them… I’m talking about you.
***In my research, I discovered that Oprah Winfrey offers a quiz that can determine your schema. How convenient!
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